What to do if your husband is lying. How to understand that your husband is lying Your husband constantly deceives over small things, what to do

When it turns out that the husband is telling a lie, all trust in him is lost and his other half begins to subject him to constant checks not only in his actions, but also in his words. Below will be given different situations that can indicate that the husband is lying and advice on how to deal with them will be described.

Confidence- this is a very important component in marriage and first you need to understand what pushes your other half to lie. It happens that lying is an integral part of a man’s character, and then this fact does not greatly affect trust in the family, but simply gives rise to irritability.

There are times when a husband lies because he has a woman on his side, that is mistresses. In such a situation, it is better to talk frankly, although such a conversation is not easy, but a necessary undertaking. If the betrayal is proven by facts, but despite all this the husband does not admit it, in this case you need to decide how to behave further. There are two options for what to do: stay with him and tolerate the lies, or file for divorce.

There are many cases when a man does not have the courage to admit lies. He prefers to do things secretly without causing conflict situations. Often such a husband lies about little things, and anger is born due to the very fact of lying, because it is unpleasant to be deceived. Of course, when a man avoids conflicts in this way, it makes him very angry and annoying. But you need to know that such behavior is not only part of the character, but also a reaction to the behavior of the wife when her husband is accused of lying. The wife's reaction can be very negative and harsh, which is something a liar cannot tolerate.

Such cases are common when a woman, through her interrogations, provokes a man to cheat, for example: where were you? why so late? who called? etc.

This behavior is ingrained in a man due to the fact that it is impossible to behave differently with a woman. Better a sweet lie than a bitter truth. After all, not all men have enough various advantages that a woman should like. In this way he is trying to impress her, but that’s what a woman needs in order to make a beautiful impression on her ears and she will believe it, because that’s their nature, and sometimes she herself doesn’t know what she needs, a woman doesn’t look for confirmation with facts, but blindly believes words.

The first thing you need to do is change yourself and your attitude towards your husband’s actions. If he lies that he was at work, but in fact he was with friends, you need to accept his comrades. After all, before the wedding they were there and gatherings with them are part of his life. This must be measured against.

When communicating with him, it is necessary to exclude biased interrogations. After all, if every evening you ask your husband about his actions during the day, then for him the wife immediately becomes a strict mother and there is a desire to hide her actions.
Try to start trusting your husband. If it seems that you cannot trust him, put yourself in his place, because he is lying precisely because he does not know whether he can trust his wife. If you develop joint trust in the family, then the lie will disappear by itself.
It is worth thinking about whether all lies are evil? After all, there are cases when a woman resorts to various feminine tricks and tricks, and this is also deception, to some extent.

So, build your relationship with your loved one not on lies, but on the truth. Change yourself and him for the better. Be happily married for many years to come. And don’t forget that a successful marriage is also a lot of work.

Valeria Protasova

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Lying is never pleasant. But it’s one thing if a stranger lies to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.

How to understand the situation and stop your spouse from lying? And is the “game worth the candle”?

First of all, you need to understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons are “wagons and trolleys,” but once you find out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lying may turn out to be part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lying is an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in the same coin.
Is he lying only to you or to everyone? If only for you, then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust - and? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
Does he lie to everyone? And doesn't blush? It is almost impossible to rehabilitate a pathological liar. The only option is to find the true cause of his problem and, after talking seriously with his husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, it will be impossible to do without the help of a specialist.
Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat - often wives themselves push their halves to lies. If a tired man, on the way home, went with a friend to a cafe and diluted the dinner with a little alcohol, and his wife was already waiting for him at the front door with the traditional “Oh, you…”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he didn’t drink anything, that he was late at a meeting, or was forced to “sip a little” because “corporate ethics require it.” This also happens when the wife is too jealous. “A step to the left means execution” will make every man howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t get yourself worked up over trifles again. It's worse if he actually takes a step to the left, tired of being accused of something he never did. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least a little free space.
He is afraid of offending you. For example, he says that this dress suits you very well, although he thinks otherwise. He theatrically admires a new batch of knitted bunnies or smacks his lips over a plate of soup with excessive enthusiasm. If this is your case, then it makes sense to be happy - your man loves you too much to say that there is nowhere to put rabbits, you still haven’t learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such “sweet” lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are quite an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he slightly overestimates his own achievements). Let go of the reins. Be supportive of your loved one. Learn to accept it as fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism - do not overuse it. And even more so, you shouldn’t compare your significant other with more successful men.
Lying about little things? Starting from the weight of the caught pike and ending with grandiose army tales? Never mind. Men tend to slightly exaggerate their achievements or even invent them out of the blue. Your “weapon” in this case is humor. Treat your spouse's quirks with irony. It is unlikely that these tales will interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his - maybe he lacks your faith in him or the feeling of his worth.
The spouse lies constantly, and the lies affect the relationship. If your other half comes home after midnight with lipstick on his collar, and convinces you that the “flying party has gone on for too long” (and with other serious symptoms), it’s time to have a serious conversation. Most likely, your relationship has suffered a deep crack, and it’s no longer about how to stop him from lying, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, .
Cards on the table? If lies become a wedge in your relationship, then yes - you cannot pretend that you do not notice his lies. Dialogue is mandatory, and without it the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of the pike, then conducting an interrogation with bias and demanding sincerity “otherwise it’s a scam” is unproductive and pointless.
Want to teach a lesson? Conduct a “mirror” experiment. Show your spouse how he looks in your eyes by responding in the same way. Lie brazenly and without a twinge of conscience - demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you at least for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative “démarche” works better than requests and exhortations.

What to do in the end?

It all depends on the scale and reasons for the lie. Exaggeration and fantasy are not a reason even for frowning brows (It’s unlikely that this bothered you when you walked in a wedding dress to the Mendelssohn march).

But a serious lie is a reason to reconsider your relationship. Dialogue is extremely important and recommended - after all, it is quite possible that the issue of mistrust, which is hidden under daily lies, can be easily resolved.

It's another matter if indifference is hiding underneath - here, as a rule, even a heart-to-heart conversation does not help.

Have there been similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Valeria Protasova

Men deceive women - a topic as eternal as “is there other life in the Universe.” One thing is clear: if a man lies, it means something doesn’t suit him.

The difference between male and female lies

Strong relationships cannot exist without trust. Men and women can neglect it and deceive half of them, but they act differently.

American psychologist Paul Ekman, in his book “The Psychology of Lying,” identifies this type of lie as “telling the truth in the form of deception.” Imagine the situation. The husband comes home from work and finds his wife happily chatting on the phone. Seeing her husband, she becomes embarrassed and abruptly ends the conversation. “Who were you talking to?” he asks. "With lover! What kind of feminine curiosity is this?” - the wife answers. The husband, feeling awkward, jokes back and does not take what is said seriously. The woman did speak to her lover, but avoided suspicion. Men are not capable of such tricks. They lie as openly as if they were telling the truth.

What does a lie do to a man?

Subconsciously, a man feels that “if he tells the truth, he will lose friendship,” and lies. By deceiving, he makes a profit.

Seduces women. Having deceived his chosen one in the style of “I love you, I’ll buy a locomotive, I’ll get a star from the sky,” a man gets a woman who is ready to do anything. And the expression “if a man lies, he loves and does not want to lose”, “unties” his hands or mouth.
Gains support and loyalty. “Darling, I didn’t want to upset you, but all my money was stolen. Don’t worry, I’ll think of something,” the wife hears and continues to do housework and hope for the best, considering that she is lucky to have her husband.
Receives everyday amenities. Since childhood, the boy understands that his mother should not be disturbed. “It’s better to hide the deuce.” “We read books in the yard instead of jumping off garages.” “If something happens to mom, I’ll be left without dinner.” A man transfers this knowledge into adulthood.
Feels superior. Anyone is pleased to realize that he is the best, strong, dexterous and smart. “I graduated from the Faculty of Economics and I have my own business,” the man lies, noticing admiration in the woman’s eyes. In fact, he is a loader at a factory, but the main thing is that the goal has been achieved.

When a man constantly lies, this is a syndrome of pathological lying. He makes up stories for no reason in order to increase his significance to others. Scientists from California examined the brains of pathological liars and found that they had less gray matter - neurons, and more nerve fibers - than normal people.

Another type of “bad” lie is a man lying and cheating. He does not want to be deprived of comforts, but strives for thrills. Or he is dissatisfied with family life and is looking for comfort on the side.

Causes and signs of male lies

“Honey, I’m so tired at work today, we were submitting a report,” the man assures. You already know from your friend: he was sitting at the bar with the employees an hour ago. And you decide how to behave: make a scandal or get away with it. Make it clear that you know everything, but don’t start quarrels. It is more difficult to determine that a man is lying in situations where the truth is unknown. Male behavior depends on the reason for lying.

Self-defense

“You can’t even imagine what I had to go through! I almost had an accident!” - he exclaims, being 3 hours late for his date. And you can smell the beer. Outright lies offend a woman, but a man has his own goals:

trying to get rid of guilt;
doesn’t want to admit where he’s been;
afraid of your reaction.

Signs of lying:

gets confused in details;
actively gesticulates;
presses on pity;
nervous.

How to react:

Don't focus your attention.
Analyze the behavior. Perhaps you are acting like an angry mother with a naughty child.
Be more loyal and distinguish a trifle from a serious offense.

The psychology of relationships is this: the stronger the sanctions for drinking beer, the more likely it is to repeat the lie in the future.

Heroism

In public, the man behaves as if he were a Hollywood star. In private he is calm and quiet.

Causes:

low self-esteem;
boredom in relationships;
lack of attention.

Signs:

colorful figures of speech;
boasting;
proud look.

How to react:

Control yourself. Scandals will not fix it.
Turn your boasting into a joke. In a conversation about politics, he states that even Putin agrees with him. Say: “yes, just yesterday we talked on Skype.” Amuse the guests and bring the hero down from heaven.

Selfishness

For the hundredth time he promises to fix the closet door and for the hundredth time he forgets, and so on with everything. He feeds you empty promises like you feed him breakfast.

Causes:

irresponsibility;
habit of getting away with anything.

How to react:

Don't throw tantrums.
Explain your position clearly.
Follow the principle: if you forgot to buy groceries, go hungry.

Manipulation

He appeals with the phrases “you know better, dear” and “you’re the smartest one.” In the end, the woman decides everything herself.

Causes:

laziness;
manipulation of you.

How to react:

Ask him for help, pretend that you can’t even open a bottle without him.
Make him feel important.
Give compliments.

Modesty

His problems are always known from others. He lies that everything is fine, and you feel unnecessary.

Causes:

bad experience;
fear of being branded a failure.

How to react:

Make it clear that his problems are your problems.
Support your man in everything.

Infidelity

Male infidelity is easy to suspect. He:

often stays late from work;
gets confused in stories;
moves away from the topic of living together;
tries to shame you for your lack of trust;
does not make eye contact when questioned;
pronounces words clearly;
fiddling with neck, arms and nose.

How to react:

If you notice one of the signs, this is not yet a reason to accuse a man of cheating. Control yourself.
Decide if you need to know the truth. Will you be able to continue living with this person if the betrayal is confirmed?
Either forgive or look for someone else. When forgiving, be prepared - he who betrayed you once will betray you again.

Men tend not to tell the whole truth, they leave out details. A woman needs to know everything in detail. Hence the misunderstanding. Don’t scold a man over trifles, and there will be fewer lies in the relationship.

“Better the bitter truth than a sweet lie” - we often hear this common, but sometimes contradictory expression from people. But more often it happens that a lie can actually be a salvation. Finding out the truth sometimes ruins people's lives, especially spouses. Well, for example, a man accidentally cheated on his wife, she found out the truth, the family fell apart, it was impossible to understand and forgive, but they could have continued to live as before. But some wives are itching to find out if her husband is lying to her - they say, I don’t want to be a fool in the eyes of others. Well, it is for such curious women that this article was written.

Most often - from distrust in the family. Or to save your loved one from the bitter truth, because some problems are just temporary.

For example, my husband is having troubles at work. But everything can be resolved. The wife finds out what is going on and realizes that the husband is a liar because he swears to her that everything is fine, but something is wrong.

What does the wife do? He calls his colleagues, finds out his spouse’s lies, runs to his boss, threatens him with all sorts of authorities and carries out his threats. What does the boss do? He fires this poor fellow under the article, depriving him of financial benefits. What does the husband do? He is left without a job, it is difficult to find a job, his family is in poverty, his wife is hysterical.

And the problem would have been solved if the wife had not been running around in search of the truth. And the man, knowing his wife’s quarrelsome character, could not trust her with something that he could easily deal with himself. But this is not the only example. There are many: the desire to meet with friends is “veiled” by being busy at work. If you want to buy a new game, you make a nest egg. Mistrust is the main enemy of the family!

Physiognomy lesson

“I can see in your eyes that you are lying” - this is a phrase parents often say to their children, realizing that their child is a little liar. It would seem that such a trick would not work with adults. But no. Anyone who is at least a little familiar with physiognomy can understand where the lie is and where the truth is. Even in voice and gestures. Well here are some examples.

Eyes

Someone who is calm and does not intend to deceive looks like this:

right-down (a sign of confidence);
right-straight (memory of sounds);
right-up (visual memory);
left-down (memories of sensations and smells).

Anyone who wants to lie will look like this:

left to top (a sign of fantasy, unrealistic pictures);
left-straight (about to voice the deception).

And only straight-looking eyes are a sign that a person is listening carefully to his counterpart. By the way, at this time a man can study your view of lies and truth.

It is much easier to recognize a liar by general facial expressions than by just the eyes alone. But sometimes the facial expressions of male liars are much more “eloquent” than female ones. For example, men, unlike the weaker sex, often scratch their nose when cheating. This is due to the fact that men have an excitable receptor zone in their nose, unlike women. Do you remember this fairy-tale guy - Pinocchio? If he lies, his nose grows.

But here are more secrets of deceitful facial expressions:

Pursing his lower lip indicates that the man is unlikely to keep his promise. Biting your lips is clearly a lie hiding somewhere. A person seems to hold back his unnecessary words, fearing that thereby he will be caught in deception. A crooked smile at one corner of the lips is an insincere emotion in a man. Tense and slightly trembling corners of the lips are a sign of gloating.

A raised (crumpled) chin means that a man feels anger and annoyance towards you, no matter how much he smiles. By the way, such a deceitful smile can also be given away by “non-laughing” eyes that do not narrow at all.

If you told him some news, and the man is surprised for more than 10 seconds with violent emotions and facial expressions, then this is a sign that he already knew everything in advance. Since after 10 seconds a truthful person needs to comprehend the news, which means the emotion will change.

And the most famous sign, coupled with everything described above, is the redness of the cheeks and ears of liars. They are ashamed that they are lying. However, this has nothing to do with those who are naturally capable of blushing due to some external influences, for example due to the weather.

Fragment from the film "Liar, Liar"

arrow_left Fragment from the film "Liar, Liar"

Gestures and body movements

You've probably noticed how a naughty dog behaves when it's caught next to a chewed shoe? He tries to turn away, step back, hide. He is immensely ashamed, but he cannot say anything to lie. Liars behave in much the same way, with the only difference being that they can still lie.

The deceiver will hide his eyes, as if he is distracted by something more important, and will want to turn away, step back. Body movements are slightly nervous, especially the shoulders - they twitch a little, as if the person wants to throw off the burden of an unpleasant conversation. Hands will tug at your collar, neck, tie—the lies begin to choke you.

By the way, pay special attention to gestures, everything secret is hidden there. Hands that hug a loved one, hidden in a pocket or behind the back, fingers clasped in a lock - all this indicates a lie. The person does not want to thereby reveal his excitement in case his shaking hands reveal it.

By the way, in a lying person, who has already become incensed and is foaming at the mouth to prove that he is right, his gestures simply begin to dance. Either he shakes his index finger, supposedly threatening, then he sharply lowers his hand with his palm down, supposedly suppressing his counterpart, but all this is again a kind of defense.

Almost everyone lies. A politician speaks from the podium about how much good he will do for the people - everyone understands that he is lying, but they hope for at least a crumb of truth. The lawyer lies when defending his client, but that is his job. Professional liars do this competently, you can’t find fault with them. But this is more difficult for an ordinary person to do.

A person telling the truth will not speak in general terms: “Everyone is talking about this!” To the question: “Who exactly?”, he will not repeat: “Yes, that’s it!” He will specifically name the person. And in general, his entire story will be brief, without unnecessary details. Some little things in the story are a red herring. Moreover, these details can be said in dubbing two or three times: “So I went out, I went out, and when I went out, I met her.”

But specific things that interest a woman will be crumpled and missed. For example:

Well, in general, this aunt, what’s her name, left, and then, imagine, I decided not to go by car, but while it was light outside - the sun was shining hot, the birds were chirping, the weather was super, I decided to take a walk.

The “what’s her name” is crumpled, but there are so many details about the weather!

When talking, there are two options to hide a lie: either a person proves his “truth” quickly and excitedly, or he controls his every word when he is confused in his testimony. There is an opportunity to bring it to light - let the “truth teller” tell his version exactly the opposite way, that is, starting from the end of events and before its beginning. It is unlikely that, having become entangled in lies, he will succeed.

Do you need the truth?

And further. By “twisting” yourself, you risk turning into a bitch. Like the one described in detail in the article. Men don't like people like that. In the end, you will, willy-nilly, teach your own spouse to lie, and thereby destroy the family yourself. So follow the golden rule:

The less you know the better you sleep.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.

Dear readers, in today’s article we will look at the answer to the question of how to understand that a man is lying. You will find out why this may happen. You will know how to behave with such a person, how to resist his lies.

Statistics

Approximately 87% of all people cheat every day, but it manifests itself in different ways and with varying intensity. According to statistics, men lie more often than women. According to sociological surveys, the following data is known:

a man lies to a woman about liking another in 51 percent of cases;
incorrectly state the amount of alcohol consumed in 26 percent of cases;
21 percent do not talk about cheating;
leaves to have fun, saying he leaves for work in 14 percent;
justifies making an expensive purchase 13 percent.

Common reasons

Let's look at the answer to the question why a man lies to a woman.

Provokes constant quarrels and difficulties in relationships. Constant scandals and inability to understand each other contribute to the emergence of deception.
It's boring to spend time with your wife. I have to come up with excuses to get away with my friends.
Emotional dissatisfaction. A woman who is absorbed in her career and children does not pay enough attention to her husband.
Consequences of regular lying by parents in childhood. A person grows up believing that this is normal.
The desire to gain new experiences from sexual adventures.
A man often lies when he is afraid that he will not be understood. The fear of being ridiculed makes you not talk about your passions and hobbies.
A way to attract your partner's attention to your person. Makes a man brag about things that he doesn’t really have, for example, his successes at work and the praise of his boss.
A way to show concern for your wife. A man will lie so as not to traumatize the psyche, not to upset.

How to spot a liar

You can tell that a man next to you is a liar by the presence of certain signs.

The man speaks with his hands in his pockets or crossing them in front of him.
Often touches his face, neck, and ears.
Gestures do not match words.
Incomprehensible emotions appear, for example, a smile during a serious conversation.
Adjusts his clothes, worrying about his appearance.
He gets confused in his words and repeats the same thing several times.

It is also important to take into account the individual personality characteristics of your partner. These signs do not always indicate a lie; perhaps a person simply behaves this way in everyday life.

Ways to solve the problem

Let's look at what to do if your partner regularly lies, what options can be considered in this case.

Talk frankly. It is necessary for the family to have frankness and trust on both sides. It is important that a woman does not look for lies where there are none.
Having started a scandal, a woman believes that in this way she can achieve honesty from her husband. This can only be effective at first.
To reciprocate is also to lie constantly. When a man understands how you feel, it may make him think about his behavior.
Love a man for who he is. Behave in such a way that your spouse does not feel the need to deceive you.

How to be

First of all, it is necessary to understand the reason why a man behaves this way. Once you understand what's going on, you can combat this factor. If a young man’s lies are directed only at you, then perhaps the reason is in your relationship. If he lies constantly and to everyone, it means that there is a pathological problem, in order to cope with it you need to seek help from a psychologist.
Think about whether you are putting too much pressure on your husband, thereby causing a desire to understate or embellish reality.
If a man is afraid of upsetting you, then you don’t need to be angry with him, because he just cares.
Don't be too critical of your husband. Think about it, you yourself don’t always tell the truth.
If a man embellishes reality, thereby increasing his self-esteem, there is nothing wrong with that.
If his lies directly affect your relationship, for example, a man comes home late and you find a lipstick mark on his collar, this is a sign that the marriage has cracked and the relationship has reached a dead end.
If you see that his lies are somehow reflected in your relationship, then it is better not to pretend that you do not notice anything, but have a serious talk with him.
If you want to teach such a husband a lesson, then show him how he looks in your eyes. Lie to his face, literally on every occasion. Let him experience everything on his own skin.

If he lies, showing concern

Some husbands, in order not to deceive, simply do not talk about everything and hold back some information. On the one hand, this is good, because he does not want to burden his wife with his problems, on the other hand, it is bad. He keeps all the negativity, all the experiences in himself. This spoils his nervous system, can be in a depressed state, and sometimes lash out at those around him. And then the wife remains perplexed as to why this is happening. It's much easier to just talk. No matter how terrible the secret is, it is better to tell your closest person about it and cope with the problem together. That is why it is so important that there is a trusting relationship between spouses. The wife’s task is to promptly identify that something is bothering her spouse, and a loving wife will easily notice changes in his behavior, even if he is used to keeping everything to himself, find ways, speak carefully and help. Over time, the husband will understand that there is no need to hide anything from his partner, the relationship will become honest, and the union